#Stuff
I am ignoring my daughter’s laundry basket. It is bursting right over the top with her dirty stuff. I keep ignoring it. I am good at that. I just keep stepping around it, beside it, behind it. I just keep looking away and averting my interest to other things in her room like her bed and desk. Nothing needs more attention then the stuff in her basket that I keep ignoring. I will get to it. I will get to it when it is overstuffed, spilling on to the floor, and I can’t ignore it any longer.
I ignore other stuff too. I ignore stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable like the credit card statement, the dent on the passenger side door of my car, and that nagging pain in my lower back. I have a lot of stuff to ignore because I am always busy doing stuff. I am always working on business stuff. I clean up stuff in the house. I pick up stuff at the grocery store. I make stuff up to avoid phone conversations with telemarketers. So much STUFF. It is everywhere. I am surrounded. At some point, I have to deal with this stuff!
My mind is LOADED with stuff! I have stuff I need to buy for the kids. I have stuff I want to try in my workouts. I have stuff I need to add to my classes. I want stuff to give to my clients to reinforce our sessions. I look at stuff to post to my social media. Really, I have a lot of STUFF.
I stuff my feelings and thoughts too. Anger, fear, shame…I just keep stuffing things down . Stuff is so jam packed in there that I can feel the stuffing trying to come out. Stuff in my stomach is pushing and bulging my distended belly. Stuff in my head is aching and distorting my vision. Stuff in my heart is painful and heavy. It has come to a crossroad, and the time is now. I simply must deal with my stuff.
#Push
I was thinking about something my client said to me in her session this week. “ I have never had a trainer tell me NOT to push through before.” I don’t believe in pushing through the pain. I guide my clients to identify it, find the source and correct it. Why was was she so surprised by this? I was pondering this as I was pushing myself out of bed to make a pot of coffee. Push to to be skinny. Push to be healthy. Push to be stronger. Push ‘til you puke. Push ‘til you drop. If I just push through this diet, workout, or hunger, I will be skinny and happy! Will you? I am thinking you will be exhausted, cranky and drained. You will have pushed ‘til you are sick.
And it is not just in fitness. We push through our life too. Push to be happy. Push to be balanced. We even push to be chill! Remember “Serenity Now!” from Seinfeld? Are we serving ourselves and our loved ones after we have pushed ourselves to emotional bankrupt? We push past. We push harder. We push faster. Listen to your own voice. “ I need to push past this day. If I can just get through this week. I need to push through the holidays, then I can relax. One last push. I need to just PUSH!” You say it once or twice and then before you know it, you have been saying it for weeks and even years.
We all learned this pushing stuff somewhere. I learned the push from my dad. He was always pushing to get through the next storm, then he would be able to relax. Then he would be able to visit. Then he would be able to be happy. The storm rarely let up, and even if it did another was on it’s heels . He and I pushed right through our time together. I miss him. I love him. I am pushing back. I want to laugh and enjoy the company of my friends and my family. I want to take some time to watch a really good movie or gaze at the flower garden that I pushed so hard to get planted. We need goals and aspirations. We need to get things done. Kids need to clean their rooms and do homework before they waste away on their video games. But, do we need to PUSH through all the time?
I don’t want my clients pushing through their workouts. I want them to feel every nuance , every muscle movement, and sensation as they cognitively move through the exercise. I want them to notice the pain and discomfort, so that we can make adjustments. The same is true for our whole nature, mind, body and soul. When we stop the push, we make progress.
#Enough
Today my beautiful, intelligent, determined, kind, intuitive, and healthy young daughter cried because she is too fat. She gained weight during Covid-19. Was she chubby before the pandemic? Yes. Is she overweight now? Yes. Her gifted vocal range, dance ability, and drama skills are outweighed by the number on the scale. Her inaccurate BMI carries more weight than her accomplishments. Her big tummy overshadows her thoughts and mood. Even when she is supposed to be having fun with her friends, watching a movie , or participating in group activity, she is still harboring this dark and heavy anchor that won’t let her go. She is just too big , and that means that she is just not enough.
What is this pervasive cancer that sneaks into our minds? Why is the number on the scale worth more than the pound of flesh it took to build the magnificent creature staring at it? People will blame the media. It goes deeper. It is systemic. It begins at birth when the baby is judged by how much he or she weighs or gains. Ounces become the object of discussion and pounds become the obsession. Before you know it, the pediatrician is weighing in. Looking at an inaccurate BMI making decisions about this child’s habits and lifestyle. Then the schools jump in sending letters home to parents detailing their bad choices because this child’s inaccurate BMI is way too high to be ignored. All this goes on and on, while a child grows into an adult who has reduced him or herself to a number on a BMI chart, a reading on a scale. This adult becomes a parent, and the circle begins again. How can you raise a child that is happy and secure in their own skin, if as parents, we cannot role model for them? We are just not enough.
I am not talking about being unhealthy. In fact, I am suggesting the opposite. Having a healthy self-image is just as important as healthy eating and exercise habits. The obsession, the reduction, to a number doesn’t feed healthy habits. It fuels self-destruction. Before you know it, you are so overwhelmed, you just try to forget about it. But, inevitably, something will remind you that you are not taking care of yourself. You are just not enough.
This is not a lesson that I am teaching through mastery. I struggle with self-image and worth every day. I know exactly how it feels to focus on others’ opinions of you based on your number. I know people who have a hard time in math. I know people who can’t parallel park. They work at it. They will never be math professors or professional drivers, but they do their best. We don’t make assumptions about their lifestyle or up-bringing because they can’t park, regardless of what we say in the rear view mirror. Yet, we will judge someone and their family over an inaccurate number on a chart.
It is enough. In fact it is the other side of enough. Let’s not just rant about this. We all know it is true. Let’s change it. Let’s start today,because I think we can all agree. IT’S ENOUGH!